How to Reply to “Hey” Messages on Bumble 1

How to Reply to “Hey” Messages on Bumble

Bumble is built around the concept that women should start the conversation in conversations based on the opposite sex. Traditionally, men are expected to initiate conversations in the “real world,” and this cultural habit has survived in the online dating arena. Bumble reverses this expectation, in part to level things up, but also because on dating apps like Tinder, a subset of the male population tends to open up with rude or inappropriate messages.

With women who set the initial tone and expectations of a conversation (whether that tone is vulgar or classy), the atmosphere is warmer and they are more likely to swipe right because they know women won’t turn them on. down to an unprovoked “let’s break it up” or something similarly intellectual. However, this leaves men in an unusual situation, as on Bumble men have to wait for the conversation to start. Some men are not used to this role reversal and it takes some getting used to. However, after some practice, it becomes easier to overcome. It’s just a slightly different norm. It’s important to remember that the right online dating bio can go a long way despite the initial conversation.

One problem that pops up on Bumble or any other dating site is the infamous “Hey” message. The ultimate in low-effort messaging, there are worse opening texts that can be sent but not so much. “Hey” is often seen as a dodge message, lazy and inconsiderate, and you can write, “I don’t want to put any effort into this, so if you want something to happen, the ball is in your court.” Despite this fact, “hey” remains quite popular because truth be told, a lot of people (of both genders) don’t know how to start a conversation. They don’t intend to be lazy and passive, they just aren’t sure how to be active.

If you get a “hey” message on Bumble, one of your first tasks is to try to decide if the person is really putting in that little effort or if they’re just shy or tongue-tied. On the one hand, if you’re not interested in a low-effort connection, you might just want to blow it up; on the other hand, you want to make them comfortable and pull them out. In this article, I will offer some suggestions and tips for both of these strategies.

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Time is running

When you start matching on Bumble, the app keeps them all in the “Beehive”, a list of all your connections and conversations. But aren’t they the same thing?

Answer is no. When a match is first played, a 24-hour run begins. In an opposite-sex match, the woman has 24 hours to text the man to start a conversation. (Anyone can initiate it with other matches.) If the first message is not sent, the match ends and the connection disappears from both people’s Beehives. However, either party can use an Extension (one Extension per day for free members, unlimited Extensions for premium subscribers) to reset the clock and add another 24 hours. This is a way to indicate a strong interest in men – you can stretch the deadline of a conversation so that the woman says, “I really want to talk to you!” they may say.

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Also, after this first message is sent, an additional 24-hour period begins to run. This time it’s the other side that has to answer. If they don’t respond within 24 hours (if someone doesn’t extend the connection), the conversation ends and they disappear from their Beehives.

But once one person initiates and the other responds, the conversation becomes a permanent part of each person’s Beehive and moves into the “Conversations” section.

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So How Do I Respond to “Hey”?

You have a few different options here.

A very popular approach is to respond with a “hey” of your own. There, the call is now permanent and the ball is returned to the original person’s court. You may not get a response, but if you are unsure of what to say or are uncomfortable with initial contact, this may be for the best.

Another approach is to ignore the message and let the match expire. This won’t really help you in your quest to make meaningful matches and meet people, but it may even help other people. If someone posts a lot of “hey” keynotes and the result is unique, they might reconsider their low effort strategy and put a little more thought into their opening lines.

One thing to remember is that the other person may not be trying to be passive-aggressive (or just passive) – they may be struggling to come up with something to say. In that case, you may want to revisit their profile, find something compatible or at least interesting to you, and take the effort to take the lead. It should be said that there are some women on Bumble who want the man to take the lead and they send “hey” as a sign for it. It’s up to you to extract this information from them later.

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As additional advice, try putting yourself in the shoes of the Hey senders. They swiped you straight for one of two reasons: They swiped every profile, or something about your profile really drew them to you. Unfortunately, you don’t know which is which until you start talking.

Just “Hey back! I swiped because I like your profile (same photos, hobbies etc.), what do you like about mine?” It may seem arrogant, but many people can really enjoy your frank and unapologetic demeanor.

Some Good Answers

If you decide you want to message back and not just “hey”, you have a lot of options.

One thing you can try is to pretend they never said “hey” and send them the opener you would send if you were on Tinder or any other dating app without Bumble’s speech rules. This defeats the purpose of the Bumble rule – but you’re probably more interested in making good connections than helping Bumble change the dating world. And anyway, they started it.

“Hello how are you?” You can try to warm up the conversation slowly. or “Hey, thanks for pairing! What’s up?” or something along those lines. This is a humbling upgrade from the extremely dry start of the conversation and can be ideal if the person you’re texting is just shy. This is an area where close reading of their profiles is essential. If they have half a dozen photos of them having a crazy party at Mardi Gras, they’re probably not that shy after all, and that “hey” was an invitation for you to take over. If they have a picture of them hiding behind a book and their profile bio says “Shy”, then the slow rise might be the only thing to stay in their comfort zone.

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Another approach is to address the “hey” itself directly. This may be seen as sarcastic or confrontational, but it may be your personal style. “Wow, calm down ma’am, I’m not that kind of kid!” something like. or “OMG I feel the same way! We must be soul mates!” With the right person, he can break the ice. Otherwise it will spoil the game. Well, you don’t pay per game anyway.

Using wording in your response can soften a sarcastic response or make a humble one. Text messages are very bad at conveying the emotional tone, so if they don’t have a smiley face to tip them, what was obviously a joke might not be a joke for you.

Whatever you do, it’s important to remember not to be rude or overly belligerent. In general, simple and direct communication is best on dating apps.

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What to Say Instead of “Hey”

If you’re on Bumble and starting a conversation with someone who speaks to you, there are plenty of options for saying more than just a simple “Hey”. Think about why you decided to swipe this person to the right. Is it because they like canoeing or because you like it too? What about the dog in the profile picture? Any of these can be used to create a genuine and engaging opening primer. Remember you only have one chance to make a good impression, it’s a great option to start with something of mutual interest.

Pick something you’re already interested in on their profile and go for it! The beauty of online dating is that you don’t have to be really insecure. The person will either not match you or respond well. If it’s the first, start talking to someone else.

“Hey” or even “What’s up?” instead of starting with Try starting with a question about her hobbies: “How long…? I really enjoy it too!” Of course, you can always be funny or witty. The possibilities here are endless and they are really simple.

Frequently Asked Questions

I texted someone and they didn’t respond. What’s the deal?

This is one of the most common complaints about online dating platforms. You slap someone, they scan you, then you send a clever and intriguing message, but you get no response.

You’ll know they got the message when it says ‘Delivered’, so it’s probably not a technical error. There are too many reasons to list why you didn’t get a response. But, most likely because they are serially sliders (everyone swipes over them). They may also not have been interested in your first message, in which case it’s best to have a backup plan open to follow up with another message.

Finally, they can simply be offline. If you’re really interested in them, use the extend matchmaking option to give them more time to respond.

Should I copy and paste the same span?

Thinking about the perfect thing to say is tiring and time consuming. Once you find a opening line that works well, you can always copy and paste the same message to every match you get. It is unlikely that any of these people will ever see each other to compare notes on your conversation.

But this method takes all the fun out of getting to know someone else. For example, you swipe through profiles and some are passionate about professional Frisbee, while others show off their amazing card house building skills, if you tell everyone the same thing, you’ll probably get the same boring responses.

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